While I talk a lot of smack about life in a little cubicle, I recognize that it does occasionally bring some joy to my life. Mostly, this comes in the form of unexpected free food! That may not sound like anything that exciting, but when you’ve been staring at a little computer screen for hours, and you’re possibly a little simple minded like myself, that’s all it takes to make it a good day.

The random pizza party

Once or twice a year, your company may have one of those “Uh oh, we just laid off another 30 people, what can we do to trick the others into being nice, docile, non-rampaging employees” moments.  Fixing budgets, and improving business models is tricky stuff. You know what’s not tricky? PIZZA! Everyone loves pizza. All sorts of bad things can be going on, but if we get that random 11:00am email entitled “Free pizza in the conference room at 12”, BAM, it was a good day. Is management taking advantage of the Peons desire for tasty unhealthy foods, yes. Do we love it, of course.

Big Wig lunch conference scraps

Sometimes, the Big Wigs roll into town, and take control of a conference room for half the day discussing things my feeble brain simply could not comprehend. While I couldn’t care less what they were discussing (unless it’s about who’s getting the axe next), being the battered office veteran that I am, I know we’re in for a treat.

If the meeting is taking place anywhere near lunchtime, do yourself a favor, and just hold out! The second you go out to buy lunch, you’re going to come back into the office, and see that they’re feasting on a pile of gourmet sandwiches. There’s some sort of rule that says “if you’ve got a bunch of guys in suits talking about stuff, make sure to buy them twice the amount of food they could possibly eat, just to make it look more pimped out”. What that means for the little guy is free sandwiches. Not just any sandwiches…the Big Wig conferences only get the GOOD sandwiches from the expensive deli, not the cheap grade D sliced meat stuff you’d normally buy for yourself to save cash. Take advantage, have a little snack at 12, and wait till their meeting is over at 2, then when they all leave it’s open season, and time to FEAST!

Mystery goodies

Sometimes, for reasons you don’t understand, someone from your office wakes up in the morning in a super good mood. That person then decides to buy a few boxes of Entenmann’s donuts for the office to share. I’ve never been able to predict when this will happen, but it’s better that way. The identity of this charitable unhealthy breakfast giver always remains a mystery. Perhaps they just enjoy seeing one less person about to rip a wall off of their cubicle. Think about it, how can you be mad after a donut?!

Post Holiday dessert leftovers

I’ve seen this one time and time again. People get or make a ridiculous amount of dessert for some holiday occasion, and are immediately disgusted with it after everyone leaves their house. What to do in a situation like that? Simple, unload all of the stuff on your office coworkers. Right after Halloween, I PROMISE you, you’ll find at least one huge bowl of left over candy. After Christmas, a pile of cookies, brownies etc. After Thanksgiving, maybe a leftover pumpkin pie. All you need to know is, around the holidays be ready, because there are always a few thousand random calories that need a home.

The main rule to free office food is basically just to keep your eyes open, and be ready! You never know when it’ll happen, but you know that at some point, it will happen. That alone is enough to keep strong in the never ending office battle.

I love Friday. There I said it. Sometimes even the most obvious fact needs to be said out loud. After all….I’m talking about Friday here! I know every one of you out there loves Friday just as much as I do. I usually don’t like sharing things to this extent, but I will make an exception for the benefit of office workers everywhere and allow you all to love the one I hold closest to my heart.

Everyone has had one of those weeks where everything was going wrong, taking longer than expected, getting on your nerves and just destroying all of the joy in life. It seems hopeless, like there is no way for your misery to end. We’ve all been there, and we’ve all made it through. Why? Because everyone knows from early on in life that no matter how miserable your week is, you’ll eventually hit Friday. It serves as a beacon in the night, guiding you through the darkness. Once that whistle blows, you’re off the clock and freedom is yours!

Not only does Friday give you some motivation to make it through the work week, it’s also the most understanding of days. Maybe you went out on Thursday night, and have a killer hangover. That’s okay, because Friday understands. Maybe you’re thinking about an upcoming concert on Saturday and have already mentally checked out for the week. That’s fine, Friday never expects too much out of you anyway. Friday even has a lot of clout in the business world, influencing managers and bosses everywhere to be a little more relaxed than usual. Just think how often you’ve heard something to the effect of “Don’t worry, it’s Friday. We can worry about it next week”.

Any day that has it’s own slogan has got to be a good one. You never hear anyone say TGIM (Thank God It’s Monday), it’s TGIF! People love this day so much, they even started a restaurant chain named after that slogan: TGI Friday’s. Just think about that for a second. Some people were going to start a restaurant, and it came time to pick the name. They sat around, and thought “Let just make it easy, and name it something that is impossible not to love…something about Friday…we can’t lose!”

So the next time you find yourself crammed in a cube working on boring things that don’t interest you just so you can pay your rent, just take a second and think of Friday. You know it’ll always be there, waiting and ready to give you some much needed relaxation.

In closing, I find that I am moved to write Friday a poem. I’ll give it a fitting, clever name…how about “Friday, A Poem”

The week is young, and the pain it starts,
As if Monday’s only purpose is to blacken our hearts;
Forever it goes, the work never ending,
A happy employee, but always pretending;
Will it end before I meet my grave,
A whisper of encouragement, ‘Just Be Brave’;
From where did it come, a voice far away,
But then I realize, it came from Friday;
A simple reminder that I’m strong enough to survive,
And make it until the weekend, when my soul may thrive;
Thank you Friday, for guiding me through,
No other way to say it, I truly love you.