Have some office etiquette

Office life, is there anything better? Not only do you get the luxurious 6′ x 6′ cube, but you get to enjoy your wonderful coworkers, who always behave appropriately, and respect your space. They would never do anything to annoy you, or make your office life less enjoyable.

What? You don’t work in an office like this? Oh, that’s right, neither do I because I just fabricated that fantasy out of thin air. It does not exist. No matter where you work, or what your profession, you will undoubtedly encounter people in your work place who just don’t follow proper office etiquette.

There are a few simple rules to follow in order to prevent you from becoming “That Guy”…as in “Oh man, I hate That Guy. Maybe he’ll get hit by a bus.”

Recognize if you’re a loud talker

Let’s say that the average person speaks at a level of 5. At some point or another, you will encounter someone who, for some unknown reason, speaks at a level of 10. Perhaps their parents were hearing impaired, or maybe it’s just that they think everything they say is so important that everyone in the office needs to hear it. Whatever the cause, it’s insanely annoying. Please stop, I’m about 10 seconds away from kicking a hole through your cubicle wall.

What I really don’t understand, is how a loud talker doesn’t realize that they are AT LEAST twice as loud as everyone in the office. You don’t have to yell through the phone in order for it to reach the other side. There’s some sort of technology that takes care of that stuff.

Hopefully you’ll never be in a worst case scenario of having two extremely high level people in your office who are both loud talkers, and are friendly with each other.  They stomp around the office with their combined sonic powers, destroying everything in the way.  It’s like a Godzilla movie, except instead of buildings and Japanese people, it’s cubicles and lowly office employees. Of course, the worst part is that you can’t say anything about it, because of their rank.

Don’t “cube jack” me

Sitting in a cramped little cube doing work is bad enough. Please don’t make it worse by randomly invading my space with no warning. I don’t necessarily have any problems with you, or the things you’d like to discuss. Just give me some sort of heads up first. Give me a call, or send me an IM to see if I’m even free. Don’t just walk over, and expect me to drop whatever I’m doing.

Sometimes it takes me a little while to get caffeinated, and really turn my brain on in the morning. So if you see me log onto IM, please don’t walk over to my cube 1 minute later, expecting me to be ready to go. Wait at least 20 minutes for me to get over my morning cube depression, splash a few cups of coffee on my face, and regain the ability to deal with people without wanting to hurt them.

Cell phones on vibrate please

First of all, I’ll admit it…I used to watch Sex And The City with my wife, and totally enjoyed it. That still doesn’t mean I’m going to be ok with you using the theme song as your ring tone in the office. If you have a ring tone of any kind, please, PLEASE don’t forget that it’s not on vibrate, and then go to the bathroom for a good 20 minute session. For some reason, that is going to be the exact 20 minutes when several people are going to need to get in touch with you, and cause the Sex And The City theme song (or whatever annoying song you’ve chosen) to continually blast out of your cube. Not fun for the rest of us.

So far, I’ve managed not to take action. However, you may not sit near people as kind as I am, and your phone may mysteriously be smashed into bits, or be randomly throw into your drawer. Proceed with caution. Just play it safe and keep that thing on vibrate.

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There is more to come on office etiquette at a later time, as there is much more to say on this topic in general.